Lumardy Case | 1Ups Issue

The complaint is what I originally sent to a mutual friend, then forwarded verbatim to Lu on 2021/07/19. It’s addressed to the mutual friend (“you”).

Complaint

i’ll start with what i think is the most important thing. so basically, through the entirety of september–january inclusive (5 months), there was a dynamic between lu, 1ups and me based around the voice calls that 1ups and i planned, mostly in the shine heads discord. the reason they were in this sms community discord was that i wanted to get to know more ppl so hoped they’d randomly join. before september, 1ups and i had been building a nice friendship, mostly around sms admin stuff and my learning/streaming the game. likewise, i was getting more and more into interacting in sdll, because 1ups hung out a lot there, i was v interested in being friends with you thanks to our music chats, and i had a crush on lu from watching his streams (still do btw) so was interested in getting to know him a bit more personally. however, the state of my relationship with lu at that point was pretty bad – he habitually blanked me and didn’t bother engaging on stuff i said to him.

this is the note i put in my chronology in sept, right before we did the tyler igor listen (23/09/2020) which marks when we started to get closer:

this was the sum-total of our early interactions (pre me caring about sdll)
i had the same impression of him as many outsiders did – that he was childish and egocentric
would have dipped at this point were it not for the crush

so r.e. 1ups + lu: they obvs were a lot tighter than i was with either of them, and i knew that from the vibe in sdll, but the most relevant thing, which they had both discussed, is that for this whole period, 1ups essentially didn’t want to hang out with him, but he persistently tried to make that happen. i had no idea until i started noticing tension in december.

the first call we did (sept) followed a very long dm thread lu and i had done on that day about an sms competition. i unwittingly invited him to the call i was doing w 1ups cos i thought they were close friends, from what i’d seen on his stream and sdll (many months prior). then for the next call (oct), he just joined w/o asking. (october and november were marked with us hanging out a lot in sdll and me joining plenty of those calls and music sessions, as i’m sure you remember, so i didn’t see the problem). after that call, 1ups got busy, and when we got back to vcing in late december, she was starting to express the discomfort much more, like in that minecraft call (26/12/2020) she did with you.

lu/1ups/i did a call the next day (27th), based on me inviting lu cos he was lonely, then lu discussing with me in dm whether he should join. i was distracted by doing a vc so i accidentally let 1ups know he was asking against his wish for me to not let her know, so she invited him as well, and it was a p awkward call. i just gotta point out again that i had /no idea/ what was going on between them. three more calls in january, all the same thing where lu’s asking to join, 1ups doesn’t want to, and i don’t see the problem. for the last one, i finally read the tension and stalled the boring part of the call (1ups+i discussing sms admin) past his bedtime so he couldn’t join. the one before, he said “i think she just meant you earlier so will probably pass” to me in shine heads, guilting 1ups into inviting him to it.

so already it’s a kind of unfortunate situation where lu’s abusing my lack of knowledge so he can get into these calls. but what makes this really fucking serious is that this entire time, he wasn’t interested in being friends with me. i’ll have to explain that statement in the next section [not included here]. but yeah, this is my summary of our voice calls that i wrote for 1ups + jpep:

ig the thing that’s struck me since we spoke is this pattern of

that shit is horrendous imo maybe the worst thing he did to me and i didn’t realise at all. it’s just so extraordinarily manipulative

again, i’m not done explaining why this is manipulative. in january, lu and i started talking more and more about his situation with 1ups, culminating in a long discussion we had about how he’s sad they can’t be friends and him writing an apology to her that he copied to me. again, he didn’t explain to me any of the relevant history that explained 1ups’ behaviour.

then, about 10 days later, he subtweets me with this

and then we have this discussion, our first major argument

the thing i want to emphasise here is that, despite not knowing what was going on with lu+1ups until after the last time i ever spoke to lu (a week ago ish), i called what was happening bang-on. only later did i start to doubt my conclusion here, only to now finally understand the situation and be completely sure of it. you’ll have to take my word for now when i say lu never wanted a proper friendship with me, something i’ll explain in the next section [not included], but the subtweet and ensuing explanation are really indicative. despite that, he leant on me to help with 1ups, exploiting my connection with her and our calls, and then said [my emphasis]

theres been some deep conversations that have been fine but generally its me wanting to talk to someone who will listen not necessarily out of you being the shoulder to cry on

i’m pretty upset you’d say that because that isn’t true at all, looking for validation and being egocentric around you doesnt reflect what goes on in my interactions with anyone else

which both give the game away on his intentions to treat me like a tool rather than a friend. i hope that clarifies the situation that i was trying to explain to you back when this argument took place.

Lu’s Responses

upon me sending him the above on (2021/07/19):

during conversation in the time he was optimistic about putting things right with me while I was working on bringing up the rest of my problems with him (2021/07/27):

during our final conversation before he blocked me (2021/12/02):

Additional Commentary

there is clearly a discrepancy in how much lu understood that 1ups didn’t want to hang out with him. 1ups said to me that she said at one point she didn’t wanna hang out anymore and then got anxiety from not being able to escape talking to him. lu says a few times that he felt like he’d been silently cut off, possibly from 1ups not being clear enuff, or who knows. i don’t think it makes much difference to the aspect of targetting my calls with 1ups and being disingenuously warm and personal around me while she was there.