review (2023/07 | the ban from the mods’ pov)

herro. people have been asking about my ban so i decided to try to summarise the situation

references

i’ll bring up relevant parts as i go

full ban response

tweets summarising ban (may 2023)

tweets summarising false accusation of abuse (june 2023)

case 1: jeffcompass

this situation was essentially a case of bad modding meets unstable person, and i don’t personally see either of us as being more at fault than the other. i was having paranoid reactions to him, as mod, irrationally defending people who’d been bullying me, and him secretively spreading misinfo about my actions in dms and refusing to ask me to clarify/investigate it himself. i submitted a complaint, he blocked me, and then this tension built where i was experiencing minor frictions, like him removing himself from a leaderboard i was managing w/o telling me, as being attacked and unable to escape. so i wrote a stupid doc that was arguing, in my mind, “it’s reasonable for me to suspect malice for [in hindsight trivial matter] given [prior actions xyz]” and having excessively negative reads on those prior actions – which, naturally, he took as me (very visibly) accusing him of malice and was very hurt. i feel very stupid.

jeff and i agreed two key things:

  1. right after my ban, we agreed on the substantial hurt that such baseless accusations (or hypothetical accusations, in my dumb brain) of malice cause and that i was wrong.
  2. later, in february, we agreed that his conflict modding was harmful and he should’ve resigned from it at the time.

we didn’t go into details cos we both wanna move on and have a neutral relationship. it was a hot-headed conflict that i personally see the other mods primarily being responsible for, for not de-escalating it authoritatively after i complained the first time.

jeff kindly agreed to vouch for this in discussions of me being unbanned. i hope he submits any clarifications he wants to to what i’ve written here. my only ongoing problem around him is that he never took responsibility for his side of the conflict publicly so it comes across as if i attacked him for no reason and people still widely hate me for it.

this case i take mutual responsibility for, and was serious at the time about being happy to take a 2 month ban (or longer probation) over it, from my own reflections on my behaviour. the remaining cases i take no responsibility for.

case 2: 1upsforlife

1ups and i agree (i think) that i should never have been banned over this. nevertheless, be warned that properly conveying my pov requires me getting a little emotional and accusatory towards her here

this situation is beyond disturbing cos, it was hugely obvious to me and 1ups that it was personal and in both our interests to keep it that way, yet someone (mlarvitar assisted by jpep) went behind her back to report me for abuse and escalated it into a huge spectacle… and here i find myself again talking about it

a: about the ban

i will repeat from my summary tweets how the ban happened:

1ups also considers our dispute personal and in fact condemned that the mods presented it as abuse [citation: pumpman]. the causality here is:

  1. she shows mlarvitar my letter to her [clarification: she shows jpep, consents to jpep showing mlarvitar]
  2. mlarvitar describes the letter to mods, no disclosure but plenty of spin
  3. the mods, unaware of what i did, say i abused someone
  4. onlookers interpret:
    • “the way i see it the thing released about ur actions in public only represent a small part of the reason for ur ban. thats my perception, its possible ppl see it differently”.
    • i could also cite jer: “you were banned for abusing your friends”.
    • jpep had a big role in secretly gossiping about what happened with 1ups as well
    • [edit: the “victim protection” discourse in the sms discord on the night i was banned is also very telling of the impact this had on my reputation]

i then made 4 tweets presenting evidence that the mods made the call to slander me for serious personal abuse with no knowledge of what i had actually done: please read those here.

is it lying/slander? i think 1ups’ opinion debunks the “purposely malicious actions and intents” accusation, and if not then mine certainly does and it was just as much my relationship as hers. even still, the mods accused me of this having no idea what i’d done – but more than that, the appeals to victim consultation, to having passed “judgement” on and “verified” the evidence, those are what make it clear lying and slander.

b: about the personal case

disclosing this situation feels like it has made so many people hate me, while not being remotely bothered by her actions, but i am not afraid to say i think she treated me worse than i treated her, both before and after the ban.

if you want my subjective side of it r.e. pre-ban… i still can’t fathom that i can build a “best friendship” with someone based on being there, whatever it takes, to support her studies, mental health, being bullied, and then the second things get tuff, with me inquiring why the hell she’s hiding friendships with people who support lumardy from me, or the number of haters of me from sms bingo starts stressing her out, she leaves the friendship without telling me and ghosts my attempts to talk these issues out. and then i get stuck with an abuse case for getting angry with her, with a harsh letter calling her selfish and disloyal. to be clear, i apologised to her in october 2022, and publicly picked apart the ways in which i had been abusive in my (single) harsh letter to her.

but it’s just personal shit in the end.

post-ban is more objective. she’s not clarified publicly that she condemns my letter being called abuse, saying she feels no responsibility for others slandering me on her behalf. worse still, she’s been talking to people who are my friends, not her friends, about our falling out, while trying to impose the condition that they don’t tell me what she said. and i’ve been getting accused of stuff, responding simply by sending over a copy of mine and 1ups’ DMs, and hearing back:

1ups’ recollection “technically checks out” I think, however the way she told it to me gave me a pretty inaccurate picture of the situation

and i just don’t know where it ends. when i see this pattern of lumardy behaviour start repeating (ok, it’s less serious because 1ups isn’t knowingly lying). if she has anything to say about this summary, say it to my face

c: about jpitar

From seeing the letter in one of your posts I definitely wouldn’t have voted for as long of a ban had I seen the evidence

– rimato13

[dingle] doesn’t think a ban to the degree of this one was warranted, especially now that he’s learned about what happened with 1ups

– despin

i think it’s clear that me publishing my letter was necessary for this reason ^. this goes back to the need to highlight the impact that jpitar going behind 1ups’ back to spread this situation has had on both of us. i was looking for a kind of bittersweet closure, where i could understand being hurt from 1ups’ actions, which are partly explained (but not excused) by her mental illness, and understand that i hurt her too. i didn’t want to have to defend myself, or start hating her over her post-ban behaviour.

but particularly when i see mlarvitar emphasise the “mean things” i said about him in his rationales, and having heard from 1ups about his years-long desire to make her like him, it really baffles me the kind of scum so many sms players continue to support. but i do get the impression his actions have lost him a lot of popularity.

further reading: jpitar case

case 3: other

the “other” part of my ban is rather laffable because the mods never actually accused me of anything. and so i won’t defend anything; they can come say their piece in the channel we have in despin’s discord for free, strictly-contained, publicly-accountable discussion of community issues, where people can come and go. or like, just anywhere else where everyone can see it

pumpman has told me warspyking intends to argue to ban me for stuff like:

  1. “above the rules”
  2. “a community of goldendevils”
  3. things from #community-reconciliation (looking forward to him trying to argue that one)

as before, i’m fine explaining and apologising for anything i’ve done and letting a larger group of people give opinions on if i should be banned for it. i think i respect informed consensus… but not coercive “consensus”

part of [dingle’s] lack of desire has to do with him thinking, with the current leadership, not much can change

– despin

ban politics

if you agree with me that the cases deserve an unban and that the mods’ say should be irrelevant given the lying they’ve done and its consequences, you may as well skip this section of pointless bureaucracy

literal bureaucracy [CLICK TO EXPAND]

it’s important to point out i submitted an actual appeal – all apologies and corrections – in october and, not only did i not hear back, but the now-proven lie the mods told around me abusing 1ups has gone unaddressed to this day. my stance on this is anything i did to defend myself from them slandering me is inadmissible, fruit of a poisoned tree, and i expect to be unbanned with apologies and resignations regardless of if i go thru their “appeals” (more accurately, life-sentence parole) process. getting unbanned with probation isn’t an issue for me, for the record.

but this won’t happen, hence we’re trying to separate from the influence of the responsible mods. if anyone wants to support me in this, you can move your ils off the official sheet if you want. or just expressing your opinion in discussions goes far, really.

i submitted an “appeal” to lego6245 in april (1, 2) to be processed “at the first available opportunity”

warspy just replied saying that the message was passed along but that doesnt mean he gets to skip out on the appeal process

– dex

This is curious … that is actually an appeal

– mryhatoh

i explained why i’m trying to avoid talking to warspy/noki doki here. it’s not a matter of pride, rather distress, because i think they have ulterior motives to ban me and i’m trying to prove it by making sure they know i hate them unconditionally, while keeping myself safe from talking to them. lego6245 running away after i outed his false accusation also strongly suggests this to me. i sent an “appeal” to MrYhatoh. remember that it says in the discord that mod initiates are for all intents and purposes the same as mods. i was there when that system was invented. i finally also “appealed” in public.

i have a rather longstanding issue with warspy around communication, going back to him continuing to claim the mods warned me before banning me despite me disproving it. despin and i discussed warspy’s past behaviour and concluded that his communication style is abnormal to the point where he and whomever do not relate to each other enuff for understanding, which seems to me to be causing these situations where i can’t get the clear fact that i did what they asked for to be acknowledged. so i wait to hear back from the “appeal” i “sent” (read: actually sent).

but even if they unban me, it’s not exactly likely that i’ll touch the sms discord or put things in the past until they confront their lying. put yourself in my shoes and imagine who you allow to have control over you and your reputation. recognise the permanent damage that’s been done, emotionally and reputationally. hence, i have pushed to break away from the official community as a long-term solution.

end

any questions? dm me or chat in the relevant forum channel in despin’s discord